I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
