Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
