Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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