what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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