addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if only i could text you this smell
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
