Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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