I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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