Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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