I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
