I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
