If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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