you have to choose: penises or morals?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
