You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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