The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
