i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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