I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
