The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
