Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
