a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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