Just cropdusted the office
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
