I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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