Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
