I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
