Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh god it's open bar.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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