I have demons in me.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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