i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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