Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
