period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
