i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Alive.
So much puke
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
