Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
