My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
