i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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