I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
