I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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