Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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