I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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