i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
