we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
