Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
