So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
