That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
