He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
