Betty ford says i'm here all night
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
