Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
