My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am available for nakedness
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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