Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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