im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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