my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
