i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
