I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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