remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yo dont text me then not text me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
