That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
