You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
