im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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