i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
