is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
