Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
