we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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