we have pet lesbian snakes
Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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